Thursday, August 25, 2011

MONKEY off my back

Late Summer Product Design Musings: a Dragons Den auto-#Fail.

Project: MONKEY off my back.

Objective: Um, charge "road monkeys" to reduce my taxes and fix roads.

Seems I have always had this blog in me? I hate monkey drivers. Some monkeys are manageable, some not. The highways are clogged with too much testosterone? Or is it non-gender specific attitude? Who cares, these people cause accidents and worse, hurt others.

In science, one could say the monkey with the most momentum is the worst kind. Dynamics is funny, its non-linear. Ignoring the complexity of kinematics and dynamics on the highway can lead to vehicular manslaughter. In english: we need smarter drivers and smarter highways and make them safer.

Why? Because these monkeys cause accidents. Sure there is MADD, but, what about MONKEY: Managing Outrageous Numbskull Kineticist Eh? Ya! ( MONKE?Y! ?). Lets face it, some of these cars are too much speed ( say E500 AMG ) or too much momentum ( Ford Excursion : Fat Guy Edition ).

Can we start MONKEY? Yes. We can. We have the tools!

See inside our cars is a thingy called a computer. Of course it already is a black box of sorts. Insurance companies like them: they can deconstruct dynamics data and simulate the crash. GM cars can be shut down by satelite. I like that. So, lets record each cars position and velocity and presto! Boom! Done! MONKEY time!

If you feel you see a MONKEY, communicate it. If they test MONKEY “POSITIVE”, you get 10% of the fine, if you are wrong, you get a spanking. Of course I want a hard speed limit of 115 km/hr. Just make it Pan-Canada. Like photo radar, but with a new satellite built by MDA!

So, MONKEY, in the Oversized Black FORD F-350 Powerstroke 8” off my bumper, take that! Driving 160 km/h? Blammo, no license for you!

Neat idea huh? Well, how about this: now leverage the computer and companies can monitor all its corporate vehicles. Governments and even the city of Toronto!

Seems that some city drivers are driving like they stole it. Leverage again and you can manage fleet performance to save gas. Leverage it more and charge over-consumption drivers a carbon tax ( call it the Jack Rabbit Tax: have it fund Healthcare to piss them off ).

End result: reduce my car insurance and taxes, thanks, and make the MONKEY pay.

Seriously, I hate those MONKEYS!



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